Europe is not the answer to your dating problems

Dating seems to be really hard for Black women worldwide when it comes to finding a mate. Many Black women date exclusively Black men, and find it hard to find a mate. You hear several things about the overall shortage of eligible Black men. Of course, there are numerous reasons why some men are on average less educated, and more likely to have prison records in comparison to other races. I feel many women should also keep this in mind. Our justice system is racist, and our education system almost ensures many people of color will not complete high school. Many women are now choosing to open their dating choices to just include anyone they find love with.

Intermarriage rates in the U.S. in 2010 by gender
You will find more statistics at Statista

I just wanted to include this neat little graph I found about intermarriage in the USA. While on average we simply do not date other men, more and more are finding love in many different places. Personally, I have a preference, which has little to do with what someone looks like.

One thing I have been hearing from many different women is.. Go to Europe.. I hear they love us out there. I just wanted to address this. Please, do not be duped into this. Not every European is checking for the sistahs. Now, I will say, I am quite popular here. I am quite popular in a lot of places to be honest.. (big Leo ego LOL). Europe is a big a diverse place. The Northern Europeans are more keen to be interested in Black women. There are hardly really any here. Countries like Denmark, the Netherlands, Germany, and Sweden are places were it is hard to not get hit on a daily basis, but please do not think moving here is the answer to all of your problems. Sometimes the reason you are single is your issue, not the men. Not all European men are good men. Remember an asshole comes in many colors. Dating someone just because of their color is a terrible way to start a relationship. Finding someone you truly match with is the key. Maybe you simply are not ready. Many women I knew back in the states were looking for a laundry list of qualities, while they had nothing to offer but looks.

There is a lot of issues that arose with moving to another country for a relationship. It is not easy. We are culturally very different. He does not see marriage as a priority before having children, Germans do not seem to care much about making a lot of money, and a laundry list of other things. Not only that, I have to deal with other Germans LOL. He may be open minded and caring, but this is not the case for when I am going about my to day. I am learning another language, trying to work, dealing with the stares, and trying to manage a relationship. It is hard. So I just ask, please really do not overlook flaws before making the leap. When you move, remember you will be alone here, and at times have to depend solely on this individual.. No matter what color.. look before you leap.

Black Girl in Berlin

  • cbank86

    After reading your blog I agree. There are some black men out there, women just have to look in the right places. I admire how you moved to Germany to make the relationship work. 

  • Strong advice. Here in France, you can hear black women complaining about black men, who are generally considered unable to support a full family needs. their reputation is low, they are known to live on the woman’s money, not earning anything themselves, cheating on their wife with other women… So black women usually prefer dating white guys.
    Hard to believe that every black men behave so poorly. I don’t buy that, i’m sure many are good and honest guys. But that’s how they are seen here.

    • kimnberlin

      Wow, what an interesting situation

    • Makeda Sylvester

      Ha! That’s no different from how they are “seen” here either. Problem is who is looking. The glasses through which society peers are historically racist and easily regard a few bad apples as our universal example. Please believe there are a good deal of white and other men who live off of the women (I have friends of other races with these complaints). Many non-black men have to be chased for child support, have many children by multiple women, are gold diggers, liars, and scoundrels. Every race has this. Just as every race has upstanding, responsible, educated examples. Unfortunately, one of our best examples, our own president (Pres. Barack Obama), is even vilified and not given credit for his level of education, his level of responsibility, and his accomplishment. For some reason, society ignores all this and defaults to the images and stereotypical drug addict, babymaking, irresponsible loser as example of every black man. On a personal note, I don’t recognize any of those examples as my father, my husband, and countless other black men in my community contradict it daily.

    • sheabutter

      An ignorance of history and the difficulty for a black man (and black people in general) to access and operate in the economics of this world dominated by the control of a white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. Black/African people colonised by European nations migrate to their master’s countries: black/African men seek to be like white men and what they have and their power, and black women will present themselves to get with that power and command of power. The idea of solving the problems that blacks/Africans have, actually thinking and creating solutions indicates that the people are still colonised – in mind. Black/African people that are white in mind.

      There’s a lot of talk of problems but so much fear pervades – don’t create anything to rival or threaten your coloniser; just keep despising each other and seeing no worth – i.e. maintain the order – do blacks/Africans actually want to get together and do the work to improve their condition which only they can do ?

  • Nice to put things in perspective…I guess I’ll just unpack my bags now

    • kimnberlin

      No I didnt mean it like that.. I am just saying some think it is the cure all .. without examining themselves

      • I know, I’m just kidding!

        • kimnberlin

          Cool.. 🙂

  • I don’t know how accurate those statistics are … maybe I’m biased a little what that comment but I see white people date outside their race more than any other race and I rarely see asians males date outside their race. I’m mixed race myself, half Ecuadorian (mom) and half Japanese (dad). I’ve seen myself more asian than hispanic since growing up because that’s what other see in me, not to mention my name is completely Japanese. Again, maybe I’m biased but I think an asian male dating outside of their race is hard. Since I can be classified as hispanic, I don’t find it hard to date either race, the problem is that I don’t date my races. This brings me to my point and quandary. I have primarily dated and am attracted to black women. The problem I have is that since it’s statistically rare for an asian man to date a black woman, I’m not perceived as being me interested in the beginning unless I tell them directly. With flirting and indirect gestures, they think I’m just friendly. I’ve tested this theory while working Long Beach.

    • Caressa Clark

      Yes, I have been hit on by VERY few asian men, but I also am rarely around asian men. And I would find it hard to believe that one was seriously interested in me, even though they have flirted with me before.

      It also does not help that the ONE time I was asked out by an asian, he pretty much told me on the phone that he would take me to a movie, then dinner, then back to his house for sex : ) I did not go on the date.

      • Wow, while he was honest, his intentions were awful and that may put a stigma in your mind about Asian men. Just know that there are those kind people in every race.

        • kimnberlin

          This is straight from my old company, a German based Statistics company.. believe the stats man.. they work hard on them.

        • Makeda Sylvester

          Yes and I had a European man take me on a fancy date…then try to get me back to the loft for sex…..nope can’t do that, guy. No difference in that experience than any other bad dating experience regardless of skin color.

    • ashleydark

      the reason they don’t realize it, is because we are so often told how unattractive we are and who doesn’t want us, we assume any guy of another race is just friendly, and not truly into us…and some of when we do, think its a joke .. am i being punk’d? haha

  • Minnie Mouse

    Kim, I seemed to notice that too– Black women if they think about Europe and white men they think about the French or the Italians as lovers of black women…but when it comes down to it the ones more keen to know them and probably open for relationships are the northern Europeans moreso (Germans, Dutch, Scandinavians) and maybe it’s because BW are rarer up there or N. Europeans advanced English skills. Also, they stare plenty much, but not in the shy swede’s nature to hit on folks openly and sober LOL.

    • kimnberlin

      ha that is funny and true.

      • * Hi 🙂 I wonder if I agree with this sentiment that Northern European men will be more keen to date a black woman that their Souther counterparts….I have never lived in Northern Europe and I can say that my experience of French, Spanish and Italian men has been like what you have described in Northern Europe…. Even despite the general lack of true exposure to black women here, in general the reception I get is (perhaps even overly) positive. And I am 100% black, from West Africa, no straight hair weave, light coloured contacts – none of that. As black as they come, and this is not proving to be an issue for me at all as far as dating goes. On the contrary, it’s been working extremely well in my favour!
        But I do agree with Miss Kim in saying that men will be men, people will be people and one should have a more profound approach to any human relationship that goes further than skin colour. *

        • kimnberlin

          Oh thanks for visiting.. really. I love your blog, and I agree. I visited southern Europe and to me it is a tie. LOL

        • Minnie Mouse

          Actually– I’m not saying that the ones in the south don’t pay attention to them or like them or NOT date them– I’m saying I notice in terms of MARRIAGE that the N. European ones in comparison to S. Europeans married (American) black women more. It’s not the attention that’s the problem anywhere there, but I’m looking at end results and I see many more BW who moved abroad married to a european that is of N. European descent vs. S. European descent. I also do think that English proficiency has something to do with it. Now! If it were African Women from francophone countries IN France and other components like that– sure that’s something different.. but I guess I’m talking from an American Black woman experience. Also– I’m saying from many US BW’ that I’ve met perspective’s..a lot of them think/fantasize that it’s S. Europeans that are only into them/ or S. Europeans would be the ones they’d be interested in .

    • Makeda Sylvester

      Unfortunately some of that “interest” is just fulfilling a fetish not seeing us as real people.

  • You shoudl really take this article off your blog, refine it a bit and sell it to a publication for black women and interracial couples. Getting a date is no problem, it’s the rest that’s difficult. If a woman moves to Europe being very naive, she can find herself in some messes. Been there, done that.

    • kimnberlin

      I really think I should as well. Let me see what I can do to refine it a bit. However, I think the backlash from women will be harsh.

  • Caressa Clark

    For the black women who want to meet a man abroad??….. I live in the U.S. and I met a guy in Berlin on an interracial dating website. When I went to Berlin to visit (I had planned the trip before I met him on the site). He picked me up from the airport… Uses the “n” word within 3 hours of meeting me to describe a black man that he knew. He could not grasp why this upset me….. Apologizes an hour later and then tries to sleep with me : / Of course I refused.
    Also, he was not feeling my natural hair and with a disgusted look on his face, asked if I ever straighten it. He knew my hair was natural before meeting me.
    Asked me why Americans were so obsessed with money.
    Told me not to even bother trying to get into Berghain and Watergate (the top two nightclubs) because they only let extremely beautiful women in. I went and got into both.
    The icing on the cake was when he began messaging another black woman online right in front of me in the middle of our conversation.
    This is when I left and checked into a hostel, enjoyed my remaining 5 days of my 7 day vacation.
    Hmmm… he was SO NICE during the 3 months we had chatted every night online…
    I felt REALLY dumb, but at least he did make my transition into Berlin much easier than if I were on my own. Always gotta look at the bright side.

  • deecreative

    I say date who you like and falling in love doesn’t have a color but there is a lot of negative press, apparently across international borders as well when it comes to black relationships. I don’t know where the onslaught has come from but I’ve met black guys in my European travels both born and raised in Europe and American. I think the key is not walling oneself off, that if you keep saying ‘there isn’t’ there won’t be. We’re all human and there is no one answer, if you’re a woman that likes men, voila! Men is the answer lol, just don’t believe the hype, either internationally or here in the U.S. the negativity is just that, negative.

    • exactly..this is what im saying.

    • kimnberlin

      agreed! I am just talking to the women who think this is the promise land.

  • mulungu

    I think white people still think Black man is danger and black woman is “wild and sexy” but not equal. And If there is not so much black people at all in some of the higher positions in europe, why ever, why should a normal white european man fell himself “equal” to a black woman. Make a test an put “schwarze frau” (Black woman) und “schwarzer mann” (Black man) into google pictures and have a close look what the german language associate with Brothers and Sisters?
    I really understand if a sister is thinking about the food we can´t provide in a place like europe. But is europe a place where a black man with a real good education is looking for his future? Skipping. Canada, Asia, Brasil, Africa and all the other rising countries? And if he is looking somewhere else who do you expect to meet in europe?
    YES we can dream about a life with more than colors but with open eyes 😉

    • kimnberlin

      Yes.. i agree. I did google it.. this is a shame

  • Emma Hallows

    Why are American’s so trusting of statistics? you dont know where that data has come from or if they even counted everyone, that is such an inaccurate way of going over things. There isnt an equal amount of each race in America so that isnt a fair comparison to make is it, i read that they compare marriages rates of one age group (18-24) for black women against a whole average of white women. That isnt fair is it how many people get married at that age.

    Stop buying in to the statistics its bullshit! even Timbaland did a little campaign for awareness. Its all part of a plan to ruin black women’s image. First they say we are the fattest, then suddenly we are most likely to have std and out of the blue we have the highest divorce rates, we apparently spend over millions dollars a year on cosmetic surgery (rhinoplasty etc) BUT we are also the poorest and demand the most welfare . . . do you see something wrong here? its bullshit!! The statistics are made up or innacurately compared.

    We need to start getting the younger gens to stop playing up to the negative stereotypes because people see that and start to think the other stuff they say is true.

    • kimnberlin

      Could be.. I used to work for this company where we compiled the stats, but I see your point. Thanks for your comment.

    • Could be… I used to work for this company where we compiled these stats, but I see your point. Thanks for your comment.

  • fakehair

    Well it’s better than dealing with backward black men, in the USA. Black men suck here and abroad. They don’t want to get married anyway. You will have better luck else where. Going out of the U.S. for love may not be the answer for some, but taking your chance in Europe is better than taking your chance out here. I was married to a white man. We are divorced, I was young at the time and I wasn’t ready for marriage being so young.

    I have been with 2 black men who completely let me down, as most black men do in America. I started dating white men again and BOOM I was married. Let’s face it ladies you won’t meet a black man in this day and age who has his crap together.

    • Makeda Sylvester

      Well I have a black American husband. I know it is hard dating but it is not true that they don’t want to get married. I know black men who are eligible and say they cannot find an eligible black woman (which too is hard for me to accept). If you were married to a white man and it didn’t work, can we say that it matters not the race? Men are men. White women have the same complaints about their men as we do. I was listening to a black woman singing the praises of her white husband and all the positives of having married him over a black man one day while really going into detail all the negatives of past failed black relationships. He was in the corner lustfully staring at my (and other women’s) behinds! I looked at him and shook my head…and he knew why. He had capitalized on and uplifted himself based on us perpetuating stereotypes of ourselves and putting his kind on a pedestal. All false…she had tricked herself into believing anything was better than a backwards black man.

    • Makeda Sylvester

      fakehair…that is one of black men’s biggest complaints about us…your profile name.

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  • Kelliann McDonald

    I am a Black American woman actually living and learning in Europe as well and have started a video blog documenting my experiences ‘Dating in Europe’.

    Videos come out every Thursday on my YouTube Channel, incase anyone is interested in hearing the real deal.

    Here are the first two vids:

    Dating in Europe: Europeans Who HATE Americans

    Dating in Europe: Called Out because of my HAIR.

  • Rancho Verde

    Interesting article.. im a male North German person and have lived half my life in the Pacific islands and a few years in Africa. After having had gf/partners from various continents (iver a real long period though…) I can only say..that regardless of race/color/religion etc I value a true feminine woman with real emotions, fire and love for her man. But..ok.. of course im most interested in exotic woman; as German woman tend to be quite boring and lack that certain spark…… have a wonderful day all… greetz from deRob (ranchoverde at hotmail dot com). 😉

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  • From your article: “When you move, remember you will be alone here, and at times have to depend solely on this individual.. No matter what color.. look before you leap.”

    This is sooooo true! Picking the wrong person can be a nightmare. But it will test your strength as you move forward.

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  • Reece Coleman

    I have run a black only dating site (https://www.ukblackdating.co.uk) in the UK for many years and it has always been one of my most popular sites. Perhaps it’s the most visible as it’s such a niche, but there seems to be quite a demand for it and sites like it. Despite London and other major cities being pretty interracial, many other areas of the UK aren’t and perhaps this applies across the rest of Europe too. I’ve seen other statistics/articles stating that black women are passed over on “normal” dating sites, so it would be interesting to hear your perspective on this?